Winning happiness back - What is your life’s ‘you gave’ and ‘you took’ account balance?

When did you last laugh spontaneously? A week, a month? If not in over a month, you’re losing the capacity to enjoy life.

On the other hand, if nothing seems to be capable of hurting you anymore, either you’ve already healed for the most part, or you’re yet to start healing. Choose what to believe, it matters.

When was the last time you cried your heart out over something inconsequential or nothing at all? A month, two months, a year? Well, you aren’t truly living if it has been over a year.

Why cry just to make oneself feel more human

You don’t, and shouldn’t. Point-being, as a human crying is a natural way of coping with grief. If you have no grief, then ask yourself whether you have something now whose absence was once a source of grief or not.

Invariably, for everything you hold dear to your heart, whether your beloved woman or man, your employment with a company whose culture you love, or simply a happy t-shirt, the value they bring to your life are a compensation for something that you did not have in the past.

What do you have today that in truth makes us feel happy?

Now read that last paragraph again to understand what it implies, or let me break this down for you.

The woman you truly love as your soulmate is the compensation from life for the void that existed from no one being that woman. No disrespect to you the reader, nor to anyone else, but it means that you weren’t happy before her.

Are you happy today with your love life, that’s for you to feel and not ‘figure out’, and definitely not to consult a third person to determine the answer to that.

Life is a great debtor and a harsh creditor

There is an equilibrium for the joy and sorrow in life.

If you have suffered more than you deserved, then surprisingly, you are a creditor and life is overdue to you, and it will compensate by sending happiness your way–even if by overcompensating.

If you have overdrawn happiness from that account in a walk of life, the only way life will accept repayment is by causing you grief and by making you accept it. She won’t let you have it that easy.

So pay the debt, and be a good debtor.

Clear the happiness overdue

We usually overdraw from the happiness account in one walk of life whereas allow ourselves to suffer far more than we can afford to in other walks of life.

This happens due to an imbalance in choosing our personality, roles and goals, all the while regarding life as a series of drawers in a cupboard, each of whose contents are unrelated to another.

Take stock of how much happiness you have and how much over-happiness you have, which is the amount of grief you need to just accept in order to get more happiness out of life.

Take stock.

How life accounts for our happiness and grief

Here’s how: consider this simple table that will show you whether you have taken more than you have given in a given area of life. This is on a scale of 1 to 10 for each area of life.

And 10 does not mean that it’s the maximum by societal standards, rather it’s what you had to give.

Area of life	You gave (1 to 10)	You took (1 to 10)	Your balance (gave - took)	Type of balance
Love life	7	10	-3	Debit
Parenting	7	9	-2	Debit
Professional life	9	7	2	Credit
Friends and family	8	6	2	Credit
Prosperity	10	5	5	Credit
Physical health	6	9	-3	Debit
Mental health	10	7	3	Credit
Emotional health	9	5	4	Credit
Spirituality	10	7	3	Credit
Total Happiness	76	65	11	Credit

When you table it down, you’ll see that you deserve more happiness across various walks of life, but need to accept some temporary grief in others. It’s highly unlikely that this account will be even in any walk of life except for your health. That’s the average person who does not recall having suffered beyond endurance.

How to win happiness back

Ponder over that table. Does it echo your own emotions? If yes, then the answer is very simple: 

When what you took

Know that you deserve happiness that’s approximately 17% more than what you currently have i.e., 11/ 76 (76 you gave - 65 you took = 11) / 76 you gave. Got it? Great!!

Once you know it, and then set your priorities in order in your mind. The table will look even simpler. For this, I would rather not guide but let you have the freedom to figure this out yourself and enjoy the journey.

Just go with it, you’ll love the results. Win your happiness back and get yourself a total upgrade.

Good luck!